It's Always Darkest Right Before...

...it goes pitch black. Just a little pick-me-up from Despair.com. Why do I bring this up now, you ask? I don't trust my narrative skills to do justice to the story as relayed to me by my brother, so here it is, in his words:

Allow me to narrate the past 24-48 hours:

I get a call at 8:00 am
yesterday on my answering machine from one of my credit card companies
(Chase). I call them back around 8:30. They ask me if I was in
Westminster and Owings Mills Monday night purchasing various items. I say
no. They tell me that my card has been compromised and that they will
cancel the account and I am officially the victim of credit card fraud. I
start to thinking about when the last time I used the card. It was at
Olive Garden in Westminster on Saturday. I started to think that maybe the
waitress (who was Russian) passed off the credit card number to some of her
Russian mafia friends. But how in the world are they using the card
without the card? To make it even more mysterious, no charges were made
until Monday – why not Sunday?

I get a call around 1:00pm from
Tina. She’s lost her purse and can’t find it. The last time she
remembers having it was Monday at the McDonalds in Westminster . She’s
looked everywhere and called every place she went. Nobody has seen
it. Now things are becoming clearer. I log onto the web sites of the
other two credit cards that she usually carries. Sure enough, there are
all kinds of charges from yesterday. I cancel both of those plus her
debit, report them stolen, call the police. She now has no drivers license
or credit cards but luckily we won’t be liable for any of those
purchase.

Things calm down a bit until dinner time. I help
Tina set the table. We are out of the plastic plates for the kids so I use
the regular ceramic ones. Gabby struggles getting into her chair, knocks
the plate full of food onto the floor. Glass and food are
everywhere. Dinner delayed 20 minutes.

It’s bedtime.
Jackson just finishes his shower. Has his pj’s on and is ready to go to
bed. I go downstairs to get him a sippy cup of chocolate milk, he follows
me. I reach in the fridge get the chocolate milk and begin pouring into
his cup. When the cup was about full, Jackson , for reasons yet unknown,
decides to jump whilst standing right next to me. The cup is knocked out
of my hands in mid pour. Chocolate milk is now spilled in the fridge, on
the floor, all over the counters and, most importantly, Jackson has now taken a
chocolate milk bath.

I clean up the kitchen, Tina cleans up the
child. Gabby, from her crib, is screaming…”Whats going on?”.
Tina finally gets Jackson to bed, comes back downstairs to help me clean up the
kitchen. She wants to pull the fridge out to clean any milk that spilled
behind it. We pull it out then I go upstairs to finally give Jackson his
chocolate milk fix. While handing him the cup, we hear a CRASH from
downstairs. The entire wine rack from on top of the fridge has fallen off
as Tina was moving the fridge around. Glass and wine are all over the
kitchen and even on the dining room carpet. Fortunately Tina is ok.
Finally get everything cleaned up around 10:45. I push the fridge back
into place and hear a slight hiss. I look all around but don’t see
anything.

8:00 am today(Wednesday) we are all at the dentist
office. This is fairly uneventful except for the fact that my insurance
company still hasn’t paid them from my September visit (despite their assurances
that they did so).

Tina gets home about an hour ago and goes
downstairs. Apparently from all our moving around of the fridge, the
copper line going down that provides water for the ice maker broke. But
not visibly where I would have noticed the night before – oh no, it’s below the
floor. Anyway, a good section of the roof in the basement has pretty
much collapsed from so much water leaking on it.

Thank God the month of January is almost
over. If the rest of 2007 is like this month, I’m not going to make it.


So, at least you didn't have a day like that, right? I think I'll wait a while before writing a haiku about this one, even though, completely unbidden, a haiku forms in my mind. Well, at least no one got hurt, and that's the important thing, but...damn.
And here I was all set to go off about the bad traffic from Farrington Road turning left on Highway 54. It doesn't seem quite as big a deal now.

Hump Day

Well, technically, that's tomorrow, but it probably will be by the time you read this anyway (you lazy, work-dodging slacker...)

Well now! :) So glad everyone's back to view my blog today! Just to check everyone up from last time, Shelly and I went with Martha to visit Erika in the hospital on Sunday. She's doing well, and her blood pressure was back to normal (more normal than mine is even on a regular day). So I'm sure she appreciates all the prayers. Like a certain group of wise, star-following travelers 2007 years ago, we three each brought gifts; Shelly, books; Martha, VCR tapes; Me, DVD's. (I doubt that the original gift-givers had their offerings wrapped in Target bags, however). Erika will unfortunately have to give all of them back when she gets out of the hospital, though, because they're just on loan to alleviate her boredom. Also, I've already phoned the head nurse on her floor to count their pillows before she leaves (if you don't get it, you don't get it)!

Yesterday, Shelly and I celebrated our six month anniversary! Who'd a thunk we'd make it this long?! I, being the thoughtful, attentive husband I am, purchased a Opal Innocence sugar bowl from Belks at roughly twenty times the going sugar bowl rate, just so she'd have the matching piece to go with the creamer. Apparently, my every thought is transparent to Shelly, who highly suspected that I'd made said purchase, and only a last minute, intensive disinformation campaign allowed her to be the least bit surprised. For my part, I received a DVD of The Patriot, which we watched last night. It was as good as I remembered it, even though only about 1/10th of the cast is left sucking wind at the end.

Well, module grades came back today, and guess who passed all five of them! Just four left, and I'll be getting myself a raise! Also, in financial institution news today, three area banks (including one SECU branch) were robbed. Fortunately, ours wasn't one of them, but it leaves a guy asking "Is it just a matter of time?"

Under the "And you call yourself a circus?" heading, two NCCU law students apparently got in a fight in the bathroom today. No, no, no- Law School Melissa wasn't involved (good guess, though)!

And just to make up for my lapse last week, here's a picture of Penny and her new friend!

Told you eHarmony works!

Poker Night!

A colleague at work, Steve, has invited Shelly and I over for a night of poker. The game is Texas Hold'em, which I fortunately learned a few years ago during my forays to Utah. I'm not really much of a poker player, but I haven't had the opportunity to socialize outside of work with anyone, so I accepted the invitation. Wish me luck tonight!

Our friend Erika went to the hospital this week, and they've kept her there since Wednesday. She went in with very high blood pressure, which, judging from the conversation I'm overhearing in the other room, has come back down since yesterday. She might have to ride out the rest of the pregnancy there, thwarting the baby shower plans of Shelly and Martha, and totally negating the hellacious night I endured Monday trying to print those invitations. But seriously, let's keep her in our thoughts and prayers. And if you don't know her, go ahead anyway, God'll figure it out on His end.

So, you'll never guess. I have three pieces of momentous news, two of which aren't mine to share, and one of those two I'm not supposed to know. In fact, I shouldn't have even written this paragraph. But since one can be safely shared, my parents agreed to the price offered on that house they like in Roxboro, NC! They're really moving! On a related note, should any of you be in the market for a house in Severn, MD, and have roughly $400,000 kicking around, please put a bid in on the old house (you know, the one I spent my entire childhood in). I'd like to know it's going to be taken care of, and that I could visit it if I wanted too. C'mon, Ju, you know you're sick of Baltimore!

Hmm, on second thought Ju, maybe you're not the person to keep it in tip-top shape! I helped you move that time, remember? :) Jen, Tim? Feel like moving back to your old stomping grounds??? Kip, you're in the market for a new house, aren't you? Anyone??

My brother finally received the load of Christmas presents Shelly and I (ok, mostly Shelly) bought for him and his family. I was beginning to believe Dad, in a nefarious plot, was going to keep them and give them to him next year, thus saving himself from venturing out during the '07 Christmas season. Here's a picture of that festive event:

No, I have not received my module grades back, so don't think I failed all five of them and am just too ashamed to mention it. I'll let you know next week that I failed all five of them (let's hope that didn't happen).

Amusing story this week: Apparently, a woman who continues to use her maiden name on any correspondance after marriage is really just crying out that she's experiencing marital problems! Shelly, having received one of those promotions from UNC which included return address stickers proclaiming her "Shelly Bibb", used those stickers to send a letter to Martha's mom. Her mother, receiving the letter and reading the ghastly return address sticker, called Martha, interrupting her dinner, to find out if Shelly and I were having problems! Just for everyone's information, Shelly's not quite so coy about her problems; were we really having difficulties, the first indication would probably be the authorities naming me as a missing person, and organizing search teams to sweep the surrounding wooded areas.

I announce, with regret, that there has been no additional waterfowl-related news or photographs this week. However, for no other reason than that I can, here's a pic of Jen and her new dog, Josie. Blogger has finally smiled upon you, Mrs. Shylanski!

Good Evening!

Well, you made it through Monday, and that's something. Now there's four more to go through before the weekend.
About a week ago, Blogger finally induced me to get onboard with the 'New Blogger' program. They convinced me by making my attempts to log into the Old Blogger system merely go in circles, all the while taunting me with a link that promised 'Sign in to the Old Blogger'. Not that the new system is bad (or different in any way, so far as I can tell), it's just that, for me to write, I now have to sign in to three seperate log-ins, pass a retinal matching scan, verify my thumbprint, and submit a blood sample for DNA comparison. Well, ok, but I do have to sign on to three seperate log-ins. Just so you know what I go through to communicate with you!
Will all of you please say a quick prayer from my aunt Patricia (or Tickie, to those who know her)? A few weeks ago, she hurt her knee, and she just got the diagnosis back: Torn ACL. As someone who went through that not one year ago, I can deeply sympathize. Apparently, with her not being so athletically inclined anymore, they're recommending therapy rather than replacement surgery. So let's all keep her in mind as we take for granted our own, healthy joints.
Two things I have no sympathy for are greed and stupidity. Take, for instance, recent Deal Or No Deal. Here's a bit of advice for everyone, should you be fortunate enough to get on the show someday: If you only have one big amount left, and you have to open a case, TAKE THE MONEY!
Well, I had more to write about, like my parents putting in a bid on a house down here, but events have called me away. Baby shower invitations need to get printed, and the "It's Easy! Simply set the margins and feed the paper through the printer!" invitations have now drained half an hour out of my life. And I'm not even going to the shower!

Update: If only that project had ended at half an hour. You'd think that would be more than enough time to print twenty invitations, wouldn't you? Well, no, it's now 11pm at night, and we just now finished them. If ever anyone asks me to help with a similar project, you'd best be very sure I don't have a heavy object within reach.
I think I'm going to need a double dose of Simply Sleep to forget this whole fiasco and go to sleep.
I sincerely hope you're having a better night than me.

Girl's Weeding

I'll explain the title in a minute, but first I want to tell you all about the near fatal shock I had yesterday: There I was, at work, minding my own business. We'd hit a slow period, so I took a moment to check my account. Low and behold, there was a substantial monetary increase. But this was not the surprising part. The truly astounding part was that the deposit was the loan money from NCCU- which was scheduled to be deposited that very day! You could have picked me up off the floor. The very notion that NCCU did something on time, and competently, was a breakthrough as amazing as the discovery of cold fusion, or time travel, or gas that cost less than two dollars a gallon.

So, today, Shelly is departing on a Greensboro trek to visit Martha for a Girl's Weeding. That would be a 'weekend', as corrupted in an email from Erika discussing said weekend. Jason and I immediately threw together some plans to part with many one dollar bills tonight, but perhaps I'd better not say anything that would lead you to guess what we're doing. Erika thinks he's working until midnight.

I would like to take a moment now and thank all those of you who send me personal emails. It occurred to me this morning how rare and treasurable that is, as I opened my inbox and found six Fox News alerts, one Sportman's Guide, three days worth of postings from Careerbuilder (consisting of the same $6/hr front desk job; it's my own fault for not discontinuing the search engine), and two 'Emergency Action' alerts from the American Family Association. So, thank you, and I'm sorry that I'm so bad about writing back. But hey, I did start this blog for all of you as penance. :)

So, the first week of working out has reached its end. I'm happy to report the loss of three pounds, which brings me down to a gargantuan weight that would have horrified and depressed me during my wrestling days. I'll never forget that last day of the State Tournament my senior year, when I weighed out at 118 lbs, and thought "I'll never be this light again." If only I'd known how prophetical that was, but even then I never suspected that, someday, I'd have a mass roughly equivilent to an Iowa-class battleship. So, it's back to the treadmill for me tonight!
Ok, that's all for now. I might write again tonight if the urge strikes.

Snow Day!

By which I mean that we had a dusting of snow. This is still a milestone, as it is the first winter weather of any kind I've seen since my move a year and a half ago. Of course, the credit union didn't close down, though Shelly didn't have to go to her first class. Many area school systems closed in the middle of the bus routes, due to the 'changing conditions between 6am and 7am'. That would be, we went from 'no snow' to '1/4 inch of snow' in that time, so everyone panicked. So glad I don't have school-aged children.

Actually, so glad I don't have children, period.

Here's a pic of the complex, regaled in its light dusting:

Since I've been negligent again, let's see what's news...

Well, I took my next series of module tests for work, and I feel that I did pretty well. We will have to see, so if I don't mention the results next week, you can read between the lines.

What else? A little aside here to any of the men-folk that frequent here. I've discovered that an apology offered whilst one is still laughing about the offending matter is no better, and possibly far worse, than not apologizing at all. Feel free to test my hypothesis and report back, but please know I take no responsibility for the personal injuries and alimony settlements that may result.

Against my better judgement (and strenuous objections), Shelly and I watched part of American Idol last night. It's actually kind of funny: Shelly likes the later portions of the season, where there's actually good talent, but I prefer the early shows where they have God-awful audition after God-awful audition. Last night, I particularly enjoyed the "Unchained Melody" rendition, which touched a true level of horror in me that I never even suspected was there. Don't worry, this will be the last time I blog about the show.

So, on to more weighy issues, such as the Iraq troop surge (Erika, I felt the WHOOSH! of air as you bailed out). So, after almost four years of endless harping that we didn't use enough troops to secure the country, we're now adding more troops, only to find out that no one who was demanding that was actually serious. Live and learn, I guess.

Also, we have this gem from '08 candidate Barack Obama:

Democratic Senator Barak Obama, a rising star who may run for president in
2008, said that Cheney was firing "at a strawman" by claiming the opposition
wanted to cut and run from Iraq.
"The vice president has pursued this
wrong-headed course throughout the process," Obama said on CBS
television.
"What we have suggested is that we begin a phased pullout," he
said.

Can we get beyond the grade school ploys, please? If someone accurately paraphrases what you're saying, it doesn't mean they're misrepresenting you. (If you get put on the witness stand in a murder trial, and the prosecution enters into the record that you confessed to the murder, the jury won't sympathize if you jump up and say "I never said I killed him! I just said I pushed him in front of a semi!") The operative syllable in 'phased pullout' is 'out'- ie. leaving Iraq. You can call it "cutting and running", "withdraw", "strategic redeployment", "far-theater infantry relocation", or "great big happy homecoming", but it all amounts to the same thing. Ok, so it's a serious issue to debate- is it in our national security to stay in Iraq? I'm not going to get into that particular question here, since I could write all day and not scratch the surface, although I'd say if you think it's a pure no-brainer, there's a factor or two you haven't thought of. But my point is, if you think it's not in our best interests, then just say so, call for the retreat, and don't pretend it's something it's not.

And You Call Yourselves a Circus?

Well, no, NCCU officially doesn't, but they should. Shelly has asked me not to comment at any great length, but suffice it to say that I'm no longer especially surprised that they have to ban violent, unbalanced ex-law students from their campus. A visit by Cyberdyne systems model 101, a la the police station scene in the first Terminator movie, wouldn't seem totally undeserved.

There were a few additional tidbits of information that I neglected to mention yesterday. One, my sister Danielle got remarried last weekend, so Shelly and I would like to publicly congratulate her for that. I'm still going to have a hard time getting used to calling her by her new last name, though.

Also, my brother Brooks had to take Jackson to the ER to remove a plastic figurine from his nose. Apparently, he felt it would be the height of humor to stick it up there, but let's hope he learned a valuable lesson. In the spirit of sympathy my brother and I typically display for one another's woes, I composed the following haiku:

Panicked Zoo Postponement - by Chris DeAdder

Zoo trip put on hold.

Emergency room visit.

Plastic smells too good!

Brooks informed me today that they were actually on their way to the park, rather than the zoo, but I stand on the original story as relayed to me by good ol' Dad. Shelly is now looking askance at me as I crack up at my own wit.

Since so much of this relates to my siblings, I'll post a picture of Danielle and her family. Sean and Julia are wearing the outfits Shelly and I gave them for Christmas- two out of three ain't bad!

Alright Already!

Yes, I know I’ve been very delinquent, not posting in over a week, as three of you emailed to point out. A single tear wells up in my eye as I think that people actually noticed I was gone...
So, what’s been happening? For one, my parents were in town, to whom you can assign 90% of the blame for the dearth of blogging. Much of my prime blogging time was consumed playing game after game of Yahtzee. I only managed to win one game, and Shelly came out of the week with the highest overall score, thus making her nigh unto impossible to live with. Also, I’m hoping the time that passes before I again hear the words "That’s an expensive full house", "Two’s are hot!", or "You can take a one on your ones" will be measured in months or years.
On Saturday, the four of us decided we weren’t sufficiently cultured, so in the interests of self-improvement, we headed to Raleigh and the Museum of Natural Sciences. It was an incredible museum, with many interesting exhibits, but far and away the best one was the Acrocanthosaurus display. Here, you can see Shelly, Mom, and Dad posing with his prey:


And here are the skeletal remains of the stalker, apparently the only ones on display in any museum. Aren’t we the lucky ones?


The sojourn came to a regrettable end Monday morning, when Mom and Dad headed home to Maryland, but not before they got the singular pleasure of jumping my car for me in the morning. After a full day at work, one of my co-workers also received that unique accolade, and then Shelly made it a triumvirate later that evening when she jumped me so I could go to Auto Zone and get a new battery to the tune of sixty dollars. At least the installation was free- they had a lot of trouble getting the bolts off the terminal. My decision not to go straight from work in my shirt and tie with minimal tools seemed retrospectively genius.
Does anyone else get annoyed when a TV series builds up a certain storyline across half a season, heightening the drama to a fever pitch, only to have the issue resolved in ten minutes at the end of an episode? House did that to us last night, and Shelly would like to add quite unbelievably legally. At least we won’t have constantly-gum-chewing Tritter to deal with anymore.
Today I lived up to the promise I made my mother a few months ago and went to the dentist. After an hour of 'Maria' scraping the tartar off my teeth (tartar she was quick to assure me was no fault of my own, but due to the placement of saliva glands in my mouth), I was led to the X-ray room, where I could have sworn the technician was trying to torture some kind of information out of me. After having countless (ok, eighteen, but it seemed to go on forever) bite plates jammed back into my throat, and being asked to bite down on sharp, cardboard corners, I was close to breaking. Her helpful advice to 'breath through your nose if you have problems' did little to assuage my pain. In the end though, the dentist made a brief, five minute appearance, told me I had a clean bill of health, and ushered me back to the waiting room to make an appointment in six months.
Ok, there’s probably more to report, but Shelly’s got the NC game on in the other room and the ambient noise is enticing me. That should tide you over. I’m tired anyway, since Shelly and I have been up in the gym just workin’ on our fitness tonight. So, I bid you adieu.
(Dear Lord, that isn’t French, is it??)

The More Things Change...

The creative writing book I'm reading tells me to avoid clichés, but sometimes they're just so handy! Anyway, the reason I wrote that particular one up there is because, yet again, I'm sick on New Years Day! My stomach is giving me fits. But let's try to get beyond that for now.
First, I'd like to let all of you in on an eHarmony success story! There's a local resident of whom we've grown quite fond. She's been pretty lonely, living all by herself in a fairly choice location. Occasionally, visitors have stopped in, and she'll hang out with them for a while, but then they always head on their way, leaving her to await the arrival of her soul mate. Well, it appears her wait is over; yesterday Shelly and I found out she's got a new 'friend', and things are looking good!

Yep, Penny, our resident female mallard, seen here with some transient Canadian geese, has a male admirer now! I'm sure Dr. Neil Clarke Warren wishes her all the best in her new relationship.

Now on to the next topic of conversation. Please read this following passage (it concerns the conflict between Ethiopia and Somalia), and see if anything strikes you amiss. The comment is by a member of the new ruling Somalian government:

"We need to end the impasse politically," Interior Minister Hussein Mohamed
Farah Aideed told reporters in the capital. "If we do not reconcile with them
then they will start an insurgency like in Iraq"

So, the radical Islamists are 'heading for the hills' in the face of superior military might, and the new moderate government wants to 'reconcile' with them when they come back from their rout. I'm guessing this guy won't be Minister of anything for very long. Islamists have about as much interest of peacefully coexisting with you as does a tumor. So, to take this line of thought to its logical conclusion: If, God forbid, a doctor ever has to give you that particular brand of bad news, tell him you'd like to reconcile with the cancer and find a way to coexist with it. That makes about as much sense, survival-wise.

And while we're discussing 'Insanity in Plain Sight", let me quote for you the back of a Christmas gift box for one of my nephews. The gift is a little plastic dinosaur made by Fisher Price:

Imagine...a primitive civilization of humans and dinosaurs, living in a lush,
green land. One side-the predators-are using up its natural resources, wiping
out everything and everyone that gets in their way. The other
side-the ecovores-want to preserve their land. And they're willing to fight to
make that happen. Will the predators succeed in destroying the land, causing
their own extinction? Or will the ecovores stop the destruction and make the
land a place where dinosaurs and humans can live together peacefully? In the
world of Imaginext®, anything is
possible!

I guess now that Darwinism is sufficiently ingrained into our children, we can move on and use dinosaurs as shills for the next big project, radical environmentalism! Would that one sweet, innocent little tyke would look up and say, "Teach, if there were no predators, wouldn't herbivores (or ecovores, if you will) become overpopulated, eat all the available food, and starve en mass?" Or maybe when he got older, and heard all about the evils of Big Oil and greenhouse gases, say "But if we stopped oil, coal, and nuclear, wouldn't whole segments of the population freeze or die of disease? And if we made all farming organic, wouldn't farmers have to farm three times as much land to compensate for increased crop destruction by insects, or otherwise just produce half the food?" But then again, critical thinking isn't overly emphasized these days either.

And on those happy notes, I bid you Happy New Years!