A Bouts’ a Mid Week Update?

Any takers? :)

Well, let’s get the big news out of the way. Shelly’s pregnant.

No, not really. If that were the case, this would be a posthumous publication, as I’d have probably expired from sheer depression by now.

No, the big news is that, with the deft help of Ashley Kuda (and I mean deft; I’ve never seen someone take a picture and have it on the internet in less time than that girl), Shelly is now firmly established on Facebook. I alone now remain a Facebook-free island in a rising tide.

On a related note, I can accurately report that Facebook has an addiction power roughly equivalent to that of crack. Already, I find my calls of "Shelly? Shelly?" echoing unanswered in empty halls, as the wife in question, engrossed in her new contact network, forgets about the one person she can’t communicate with via the internet. Even this blog entry is largely done at her behest, so as to reach any individuals who might want to friend her but haven’t heard the news yet.

But enough about that- in a few years, you’ll get to read all about it in Working Addiction: How I Beat Facebook, Wrote Legal Briefs, and Still Found Time to Hound My Husband About Unfinished Bathrooms, and I don’t want to spoil the book for you. So, anyway, on to the rest of the weekend.

As mentioned before, Ashley Kuda came to stay with us, in what turned out to be the wettest weekend of the last three weeks. Seriously, I think North Carolina is trying to impersonate Seattle or something. But that just made it all the easier to stay indoors, which we don’t mind and Ashley was good with. We played the Wii a lot, made a Mii of Ashley (which for some reason ended up looking an awful lot like Erika’s), played Scene-It (I won!), and went out to eat at Outback Steakhouse. Speaking of the latter, we attempted to pay for the pricey meal with a gift card from my dear brother. The whole experience ended in a haiku (as so many do):

Birthday Duplicity

Gift card sent in mail.
Promised funds never loaded.
"Hope Chris brings some cash!"

Really, that’s about all the news for the weekend. I had a bit of political commentary all set to go, but you know what? I'll just add that some other time.

So, in that case, I'll just leave you all with a big ol' in yo' face mug shot of Ashley Kuda (why is it that every time I google her name the search browser tries to fill in the words "Dirty Sanchez"?)

Three Weeks' Worth of News


Alright, so let's get this blog thing over with already! ;)

Obviously, it's been a while since I wrote last, so let's forgo the usual heartfelt apologies and get right into things.

It's been a good couple of days, really, if you don't count the inner ear problem I had last week. Three days out of work, no sudden movements, vertigo, resultant nausea- best week of my life! But enough about that- I could go on and on about how miserable it was, but I'm sure your imagination is better than any description I proffer.

So, this weekend, fresh off the waves of vertigo and disorientation, I took my North Carolina CCW class! The class was offered by Best Option Security Services, based out of Sanford, so three friends (coworkers, former coworkers, and spouses) and I got up at an ungodly hour of the morning Saturday and drove an hour south, so we could be there by 8am. Four classroom hours later, followed by three hours of qualifications (my Baby Eagle again made me proud, giving me not one jam, despite Tony ripping on the aluminum-cased Blazer ammunition I was using), and the four of us had our certificates! Just yesterday, I dropped off my completed application at the sheriff's office in Durham, being promised an answer within 90 days. Fortunately, my Virginia CCW permit is still valid during that time, rendering me impervious to attacks by the criminal class. My friends and colleagues? They'd best just hope no one tries to murder them over the next 3 months! Anyway, here's a picture of us, after the qualification:

(Interesting aside: I think at least some of the class believed Toya and I to be an interracial couple. Contrary to the mainstream media drawn caricatures of small rural towns and gun owners, no one gave us dirty looks, made derogatory comments, or even threatened to string us up.)

Upon arriving home... (this is what the industry calls an Establishing Shot)

...I learned that, despite my early morning, Shelly and Erika wanted all of us to go out for dinner. So over to The Carolina Alehouse we went! Erika and I bonded over our mutual choice of Turkey Burgers, then afterwards we all came back to our house, where I rudely fell asleep while everyone was still here.

Sunday, apparently believing my weekend hadn't reached its full potential, Shelly arranged for us to watch the Duke/Carolina game down in Garner with fellow Court of Appeals Clerk, Sarah Warf! (Yes, I realize that link is less than informative.) Anyway, we had fun with her and husband Martin and their neighbors, Joe and Katie, though I took no pictures in commemoration. At least the Tarheels won handily.

So...yes, that leads us back to the previous weekend! For my birthday present, Shelly took my woefully slow and buggy computer to the Geek Squad. They cleaned it up, took off 3 viruses, and, at my instruction, removed the horrendous Norton Antivirus program I'd been using. Not only did the stupid program fail to catch those viruses, but it was actually the cause of the slowdowns I'd been experiencing. See, when I renewed it last fall, I accepted the 'upgrade' to Norton 360. What the Norton people never bothered to tell me was that my computer didn't have sufficient RAM to run that program (which is ridiculous anyway, that what is basically a system tool requires more than 256 MB of RAM). So, anyway, I got rid of Norton, bought a cheaper but much more efficient program, and also bought an additional gig of RAM, which the Geek Squad installed at no charge. My computer is now running lightning fast; I'm really glad of this, as there were days when I came very close to picking it up and breaking it over my knee like a piece of fire wood.

Also, Mom, Dad, and Grandpop came down, and for once I had no projects to set Dad loose on! We made the best of it, though; Shelly made dinner for us Friday and Saturday nights, then Sunday Mom and Dad treated me to a birthday dinner at Brixx. Here's a picture of the cake:

Yes, Shell, I know this 'cell phone' picture is slightly blurry, but seeing as Dad has yet to act on my request to email me his pictures from that weekend, and my regular camera's batteries were dead, this will just have to do.

As luck would have it, a rare snow storm hit Sunday night (rare, in that after 30 years of incessant global warming, most of the Earth is now bare, sand-blown desert), preventing my forebearers from departing Monday morning. This worked out, as the inner ear thing happened that afternoon and they were around to come pick me up from work, since I couldn't drive.

OK, so that takes us all the way back to Seaworld, now, doesn't it? Ah, screw it- it's been three weeks anyway. Just settle for this picture of Shamu, will ya?

Oh, what the heck- here's one for you, sister! I know how much you love these little guys: