My Rebuttal

Some random drive-byer has posed what I’m sure he thinks is a rhetorical, unanswerable question on my comment board, regarding my position on gay marriage. In the future, posts of this nature from people I don’t know will meet an ignoble end in the form of my dashboard’s ‘trash’ icon. However, this one time, I’m going to offer a rebuttal. I’m doing this for two reasons: One, to disprove his false premise that this is in any way an issue of equal rights, and two, because people on my side of this debate are too often intimidated into silence by language of the type used here (which equates, by insinuation, the pro-marriage position with discrimination and inequality). Here’s the comment in question:

"It looks like you don't support gay marriage and I wonder why you don't think everyone should have equal rights?"

Despite hysterical claims to the contrary, this debate isn’t about equal rights. The members of the gay community are not second class citizens; they can work, go to school, exercise, play sports, worship, eat in restaurants, buy and sell property, and in general go about their lives exactly the same as I can. Society does not forbid them their choice of partner, no more than it does me mine. And they are perfectly entitled to marry anyone they want, provided that person is of the opposite sex, since that is an immutable, defining characteristic of the relationship called ‘marriage’. A homosexual and myself are both completely equal in that regard; we are both entitled to marry any person of the opposite sex who will have us, and both totally unable to have the same type of relationship with a person of our own gender. That is the very definition of equality.

Furthermore, the term ‘marriage’ is not something that can be applied with any meaning to any relationship other than a heterosexual one. Marriage in a societal sense exists to reign in the (very different) male and female reproductive strategies; this is for the benefit of the couple, yes, but much more importantly, for the benefit of any offspring that pair produces. Since homosexual couples do not have competing reproductive drives, and by their very nature cannot produce children without outside assistance, the relationship of marriage cannot (and never can) be used to describe a homosexual couple, no matter how committed to each other they might be.

Like it or not, that’s not something that can ever be changed. Even if we all agreed tomorrow to call homosexual relationships ‘marriages’, all we’d be doing is playing word games, because traditional marriages will always be fundamentally different. No matter what some uninformed voter or activist judge decides tomorrow, people of the same gender can no more engage in a marriage than I can mortgage my wife or marry a piece of real estate. And the law would not be promoting inequality by refusing to allow me to label those sorts of relationships in those ways; I’d simply be delusional for trying to apply those labels where they clearly do not fit.

I’d really like to leave it there, but I don’t think the danger that this whole concept poses to society can be overstated. Over the last 50 years, marriage has already been dramatically weakened, going from something that a man and woman must enter into before having sex and having children to something that is looked on as optional or old-fashioned. This has had ruinous results. The number of single-parent households has skyrocketed since the 60’s, and the children raised in these households live in poverty, commit crimes, go to prison, and abuse drugs at rates exponentially higher than their dual-parent counterparts. While gay marriage might conceivably produce a very few stable homes for adopted children, the cheapening of traditional marriage, and the resultant damage to future generations, would far outweigh that single, debatable benefit.

Think I’m wrong? Look at what’s happened to marriage in the Netherlands.

I could go on, but I think that’s enough of a response to a one-sentence drive-by. Any further comments on the subject by people I don’t know are simply going to go the way of the dodo. Sorry, the First Amendment doesn’t protect your right to free speech on a private blog- only I do. And the only speech I’m protecting is that from people I know. Deal with it.

So, I guess we'll talk about the weekend sometime later, then. Hope everyone had a good one.

Getting a Jump on Next Weekend...

Moving on from this weekend (and many of us are grateful to do so, for various reasons), there are a number of items worthy of your attention (though I’m generally a poor judge of what you’ll find interesting, so take it with a grain of salt).

Let’s get the most important out of the way first: We have confirmed sightings of both goslings AND ducklings! Out on the lake, we’ve seen four families of geese, totaling 13 goslings, and two families of ducks, between them containing 17 or 18 ducklings (we couldn’t get too close to the second family without scaring them, but there were 6 or 7). Here’s some pictures from Monday, when Shelly and I went to feed them:



On to other news; my branch manager asked me to give a presentation to some Boy Scouts on Tuesday regarding successful teen money management. I’m usually not the first one to jump up and volunteer to speak in front of people, but I thought I could handle it, so I said yes (besides, she put me on the spot and I couldn’t ad lib a plausible lie). I spent some of the afternoon Tuesday preparing, and felt pretty good about the presentation, though I managed to drag what was supposed to be 30-45 minutes to over an hour. It wasn't all my fault, though; the kids asked a lot of questions, some of which were germane, some not (such as how much a McDonalds franchise was, or how much could one expect to spend when buying a dog). Given that the age group was 13-15, though, this sort of thing shouldn’t have been totally unexpected on my part. Anyway, the organizer of the event was very enthusiastic in her praise, so I left feeling pretty good (plus I was promised a day off for doing it). Later that night, a newly spotted stain on our downstairs ceiling, probably again from our upstairs shower, extinguished my good feeling quite effectively.

In national news, contrary to my expectations, the California Supreme Court, by 6-1 vote, actually showed some judicial restraint this week and didn’t toss out Proposition 8, leaving the voter-approved ban on gay marriage in place. This prompted the linked ‘news’ article in the New York Times, which made a stab at appearing non-biased, though as usual, there were a few glaring problems… which I’ll helpfully illuminate for you:

1. "The ruling comes at a time when several state governments have moved in the opposite direction."-- Not to burst your bubble, NYTimes, but exactly TWO states have approved gay marriage via 'state government', namely Maine and Vermont. Every other state where it's legal (totaling a whopping 3), the population had it foisted on them by activist courts. And while we're discussing trends, it's worth pointing out that 29 states have constitutionally banned gay marriage over the last few years, while 7 more have made it illegal by statute.

2. "In addition, opinion polls of Americans’ attitude toward same-sex marriage indicate that they favor allowing it." -- Err... no, they don't. The last Gallup poll I saw said 56% of Americans oppose recognizing gay marriage; only 40% support.

OK, actually, in its current form, the article just makes those two errors. They must have cleaned it up, because when I first looked at it, someone had gotten the poll results all confused (saying 56% of people supported gay marriage), and it also made mention that in 2004, the subject was used as a 'wedge issue' (which is liberal-speak for any issue where voters and conservatives agree).

Speaking of which, North Carolina only bans it by statute. We'd better get on the ball with an Amendment, lest we get complacent and have some court suddenly wring a new 'interpretation' out of our 200+ year old constitution. Don't laugh- that's exactly what happened in Iowa.

On to other things.

I don’t know what, exactly, everyone on Facebook is talking about, saying Terminator: Salvation wasn’t good. While my own personal feeling is that the franchise should have ended with Terminator 2, Salvation was a good story in its own rite (though not without a few enormous plot oversights) and was a much-needed refreshment for the franchise. Much like the viewing of Transformers two summers ago, though, we had to contend with the theater speakers being set louder than crap- Shelly actually had to cover her ears a few times. Also, I loved the little cameo Arnold put in, via CGI- beautiful! It was an especially nice touch how they made him look the same age he did in the first Terminator.

Finally, I’m go ahead and go against the prevailing grain here and give a thumbs down to the Star Trek movie. This saddens me, because there was so much I liked about the movie- great special effects, good acting, fresh take on the series (which it desperately needed). And I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of the movie. However, right at the midpoint, a certain character goes into an expository monologue (mind-meld, actually), trying to explain some of the back-story. During this, certain things got said that were just so scientifically asinine that I couldn’t help but get thrown out of the ‘willing suspension of disbelief’ mindset. Now, Star Trek has never been known for its rigid adherence to hard science, and I’m no expert either, but a twelve-year old who’d just read a chapter on basic astronomy in a science textbook would have known this stuff was off kilter.

And unfortunately, once my eyes were opened, I couldn’t help but notice how sloppy the plot was. Yes, the plot keeps moving along, but it was like the writers knew that certain things had to happen but couldn’t think of a logical way for them to do so, so they’d just go with the first thing that occurred to them. Need two characters to meet up, but one's on the Enterprise and one's on a deserted planet? No problem! Have one character inexplicably ejected from the ship, and have him just happen to land near the other one (do I need to tell you that planets are, by nature, extremely large objects?)! Need someone to go back in time? Use a black hole- but only sometimes; other times, black holes do their usual thing and just tear things apart (I wonder if the black holes flip a coin before deciding). Does a marooned character now need to get back on the ship? Just let him, totally coincidentally, run into another character with juuuuust the right equipment and expertise to make it happen! And finally, while the villain’s initial reluctance to destroy the Enterprise is explained, why he continues to show forbearance to this charmed ship as it endeavors to thwart his nefarious plans is addressed less satisfactorily- that is to say, not at all.


Well, alright. That's about all I have. We don't really have any plans for the weekend, except Shelly's apparently got us attending some kind of fundraiser with Erika tomorrow. But, alas, our time is now over, and the stack of bills to the right of my computer now urgently needs my attention.

Happy Memorial Day

I hope everyone will at some point to day just take a moment to reflect on that which is meant to be honored today, and express gratitude for those who gave everything in the service of this country. Memorial Day is reserved to honor, however informally, those who have given their lives to protect America.

Once you're finished, of course, get back to the barbecue; you don't want the hamburgers to burn.

So, in answer to your question, sister, we'd LOVE for you to bring your brood down here! I called you back last night, but we need to get in touch and arrange something more concrete. Just call or email me and we'll get something on the calendar.

In other news, it's been a relatively quite week since we got back from Las Vegas, although Shelly and I both were very ready for the weekend once it arrived. Maybe that was because we just weren't ready to go back to work, or maybe because we were looking forward to Martha's thirtieth birthday party, but either way, we were ready.

We kicked things off Friday night with a visit by the Hawkins' (pronounced Haw-kins-ses-es, according to Shelly). Forgoing the grill for once, Shelly procured two pizzas from Target which comprised the main course of our dinner. Post repast, the four of us engaged in American Idol Karaoke; here's two pictures, fairly representative of the event:










Despite the implications of those pictures, and though she definitely ranks in the top 50% of the singers present, Erika did not, in fact, hog the microphone all night.

After a relaxing day Saturday (though it was marred by a trip to let out Sonny, the Hawkins' much-maligned canine), that evening Shelly and I attended the afore-mentioned thirtieth birthday party of Martha Sacrinty, and I must say that those Sacrinty's really know how to have a good time! Since the drive takes the better part of an hour, Shelly and I decided it'd be better to stay the night, since it was quite late by the time we were ready to go. It was a good thing, too, as later in the evening, I found myself forced to reprise the hero's role (last played when I rescued a duckling for a storm drain, remember?), and recover a semi-conscious hostess from the floor of her half-bath. But, not getting into all that debauchery, here's a picture...


Yes... more karaoke singing took place in Greensboro Saturday night, though mercifully I didn't join in this time, though I did take a stint on the drums. Shelly brought the house down with a rendition of Garbage's Paranoid, though, scoring better than 90%.

Also, Jason pulled a really magnificent prank on me that, regrettfully, I can't really get into. Suffice it to say that he got me back, and then some, for all the practical jokes I've played for like the last two years.

The next morning, Shelly and I did the drive of shame back to Durham (as we hadn't thought to bring any overnight clothing), where not much took place until dinner. We went out to Chili's (which was kind of odd to do alone; we almost always have people with us when we go there), then, unexpectedly, bought a new TV from the nearby Best Buy. It was on clearance, and I still had quite a bit on the gift card my parents gave me for my birthday, so we actually got it for less than $200. It's a nice little addition to our bedroom:



I love the inevitable march of technology; despite the fact that this TV is a quarter the size of the one it replaced, it actually has a larger screen, and a much sharper picture.

Our first use of it was a viewing of Seven Pounds, starring Will Smith. Smith follows the groundwork laid in Pursuit of Happiness (see my review here) by making yet another excellent film that nonetheless makes the viewers seriously consider drowning themselves. Just as a word of warning, if you rent this one, you're going to be profoundly confused for about the first half an hour, as the movie skips around to more time periods than an island moved by Ben Linus. But don't worry, it'll all be explained, and will all make sense.

OK, well, that's about it. Shelly and I are about to go out to see Terminator: Salvation, despite the roundly negative reviews from the Facebook horde.

Vegas, Baby, Vegas: Sunday Susurrations

So, on to part two. I’ve been brow-beaten by at least one person today who expressed a marked lack of confidence that I’d get around to posting this, so here it is. I won’t mention who that person was, but I would like to shout out a big ol’ "In your face, Martha Sacrinty!!"

Sunday morning, in lieu of attending a service to worship our Creator, the six of us instead had breakfast at IHOP, though we did remember to say grace. This allowed Shelly and I to rise late, since we met at ten and the IHOP was just a bit down the street from the Stratosphere.

The little restaurant had quite a high opinion of itself, as evidenced in this picture:

This little adventure featured the first of our day’s amusements, as Milt took a series of bums under his wing, buying breakfast for one (who then complained about the lack of fries), and providing fuses for another (who had expressed a need for them for his broken down car, then looked totally nonplussed by the vast array of fuses Milt produced from his toolbox). It was almost like they were requesting money for purposes other than those stated, but I won’t take such a dim view of humanity as to assume that. Also, the whole experience lent itself to awkward questions, such as "If this is the 'best' of Las Vegas, what horrors lurk outside the worst spots in town?" Dread Cthulhu, perhaps?

Following the Itinerant Incident, as it came to be called, the six of us made tracks south, to check out the rest of the strip. The first place we went (after an extended period of scattering and regrouping, necessitated in part by ticket purchases and Shelly’s speed bump aversion) were the Forum Shops at Caesar’s Palace, where we walked around, took in sights, and just barely avoided purchasing a pair of Coach shoes. Here’s a picture:

After departing the Shops, the six of us hotel hopped south down the Strip, which was necessary due to the 105 º heat. Fortunately, helpful vendors lined the street; the most directly helpful was the one dispensing water at $1 a bottle, though I’d be remiss not to mention the myriad others handing out time share info and flyers of a less mentionable nature.

We hit the Eiffel Tower casino (though didn’t pay the exorbitant $10 fee to ride to the top) and gradually made our way down to our final destination of the MGM Grand, though we did manage to visit the Coca Cola shop and a Mickey D’s along the way (where Milt treated everyone to much-needed ice cream cones). At the MGM, we got to see the lion enclosure; here’s a shot of that:

About 30 seconds after this picture was taken, the lioness took a squat right over our heads. The mystique of the Queen of the Jungle was quite effectively broken.

Shortly thereafter, the six of us went our separate ways; Heather and Milt hit the road for home, while Jen and Tim headed back to their hotel so Jen could lie down. Shelly and I caught the Las Vegas monorail back to the Sahara, which was a short walk away from our own hotel, so we could get ready for our own evening.

What did we do that night? Well, after paying the reasonable sum of $56 for an all you can eat buffet at Planet Hollywood, Shelly took me to a… musical. How to describe it? Well, it was a very creative retelling of classic fairy tales, the most prominent of which was Little Bo Peep, starring Kelly Monaco. Alas, no cameras were allowed, so I can't share any of it with you. Suffice it to say that Shelly has managed to completely wipe the slate clean on her musical selections- any previous quarrels I had with them are forgiven and forgotten.

After the show, Shelly rebuffed my attempts to quickly get her back to the hotel, instead insisting on hanging around the southern Strip to watch the fountain show outside of the Bellagio, which was set to Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American". After watching two such showings (the second was set to some opera music, which Shelly liked better), we entered the casino so Shelly could look around. Very nice, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Finally, after another two hours or so, we caught the monorail back again and called it a night.

Monday, divest of other companions, Shelly and I took it easy and mostly just hung out by the pool. The lower pool, that is- apparently, Stratosphere also has a 'top-optional' pool on the 25th floor, but we didn't make it up that way. Later on in the evening, we took one final advantage of our day pass on the monorail and trekked down to the Venetian, though by then were were quite sick of the 'clever' announcements that come on over the monorail speakers as you travel. Fortunately, that was our last trip on the thing, as we later took a cab back from there.

In the Venetian, we looked around at the various shops, and I couldn't again prevent Shelly from procuring a pair of shoes, though this was simply a $10 pair of sandals to make walking a bit easier for her. Also, we ran into Wolverine, who consented to be photographed with Shelly, though he kept his guard up:

After a dinner at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant in the Venetian, the two of us decided to call it a night and headed back to the hotel for last time.

The next morning, we got up bright and early, checked out, and taxied over to the airport. We were fortunate to make it onto the return flight to RDU, though we sat in the very, very last row of the plane and across the aisle from each other. Shelly slept at least half the flight; I found it slightly more difficult to nod off, what with people hovering over me as they waited to use the bathroom, and every other person banging into my elbow as they passed. Fortunately, at the other end, we found a receptive Erika and Charlotte, both eager to see us home.

Alright, that's the Vegas trip, then. Don't say I didn't tell you.

Vegas, Baby, Vegas!

Ah, how nice it was Friday afternoon to leave work and know that, not only would I have two additional days off, but I’d be spending them in Vegas!

Saturday, Shelly and I got up bright and early, finished throwing a few odds and ends into our suitcases, and hopped into Jason’s waiting SUV for what was undoubtedly the most dangerous leg of our trip (which included walks in ghetto neighborhoods, plane rides thousands of feet in the air and at hundreds of miles an hour, and more encounters with time share sellers than I care to remember). Fortunately, Jason had recently taken out his demolition cravings on Erika’s Camero, so we did arrive safely at the airport.

Before I forget, now’s a good time for a big THANK YOU to our friend Jen Glass (she who hasn't blogged since last OCTOBER- and you thought you had it bad!), whose Southwest buddy passes allowed us to fly for free in both directions, although we were subject to space and availability. This ended up being no problem, though; Shelly and I checked in fine on the way out and on the way back. Upon receiving my ticket, I discovered that Jen’s fine airline had me confused with the Son of God, though they did at least get my last name right:

I don’t know whether it was my exotic moniker or the box of chocolates we gave to the flight crew, but they treated us like royalty on the first leg, checking up on us frequently and even offering free adult drinks, which we of course refused on general principle (how would it look for "Christ" DeAdder to be sucking down complimentary margaritas?). The icing on the cake was that Shelly and I also got a row to ourselves, so we rode in comfort the whole way. All in all, our service on Southwest left nothing to be desired- it was a great beginning to our vacation!

Six hours later, we landed in Vegas; not having checked bags, we immediately proceeded to the taxi stand, where chance landed us with a most memorable driver. In the 15 minute, $30 cab ride, he regaled us with tales of 1)how he’d come to Vegas 30 odd years earlier and won hundreds of thousands of dollars overnight, 2) his troubles with his ex wife and current stripper girlfriend, both of whom need his help to keep their homes, 3) his previous job parking cars, which had netted him $160,000 a year, until he lost it for 4) punching the comedian Gallagher, and how now 5) he drove the cab just to have something to do but today was his last day for the next six months. Despite his previously stashed millions, and for-fun taxi driving, he also still found time to complain of the lack of satisfactory tips of late. Between us, Shelly and I later agreed that he was ‘putting us on’, which is a more polite phrasing of my exact words, which implied he could store no further excrement, being at capacity.

Our hotel, the Stratosphere, offered a comfortable room with a nice view down the strip (though it did also overlook the top of the casino, giving us a bird’s eye view of the AC units), and the room was comfortable enough, despite not having many frills. Here’s a shot from our window:

It took us forever to check in, though; we did arrive an hour before the appointed time, but the room wasn’t ready until after 4pm. Passing time, Shelly and I played some Blackjack, and during our first attempt we got up about $30. Upon cashing in and finding our the room still wasn’t ready, we made the mistake of returning to the table, where we quickly lost it again, plus some more. That’s all I’ll say on the whole issue of gaming- suffice it to say, Lady Luck didn’t particularly favor us this weekend.

Once checked in, we didn’t have a whole lot of time before we met up with our compadres, Heather and Milt, and Jen and Tim. We’d made reservations for Top of the World, the restaurant at the top of the Stratosphere Tower, and the six of us met up and were quickly ushered to the summit. I took one for the team and bought this picture, which was kindly provided to us by the staff for the low, low price of $21.95:

Speaking of which, I need to email that to the other interested parties. And… done!

After dinner, the six of us visited the Observation Deck, where we took the following pictures:

At that point, the Maryland/North Carolina folks were pushing 1 am (Eastern Time) and getting a bit fatigued. Shelly and I made an effort to hang with the Utahs (who only had an hour difference to cope with), but alas, we only made it another hour before calling it a night. And that was Saturday.

Alright, this has gone on a bit- I'll write about the rest of it tomorrow. Yes, TOMORROW! Check back in, will you?

Off to Vegas!

Yep, tomorrow at some point we’ll be flying to Las Vegas! But that’s not really what I want to talk about here.

This is going to be a strictly LOST-related blog. If you don’t watch the show, bail out now. There’s nothing else to read about.

OK, so, all the rest of you still here, I’m going to assume you’ve seen the finale by now; if not, go watch it first, because this is going to be spoiler-heavy.

So, on to my first theory: The hydrogen bomb explosion isn’t going to change the future.
Evidence:

First, the writers already laid the groundwork for this by having Miles say, late in the episode, "Have you thought that maybe blowing up the bomb is what’s supposed to happen? So, maybe if we want to change the future, the right thing is to do nothing?"

Second, in the ‘official’ past, Eloise clearly remembers killing Daniel, which she wouldn’t have done if he hadn’t barged into the Other’s camp (brandishing a gun; geez, what did he THINK was going to happen?) while trying to find her. His whole point in doing that, you’ll remember, was to find out the location of the bomb, which he was going to try to use to change the future.

Third, what the bomb was ostensibly going to do was destroy the pocket of electromagnetic radiation where the Swan would someday be built. In addition to their explosive powers, nuclear bombs give off a great deal of… you guessed it! EM radiation! I think the explosion is going to in some way alter the EM pocket so that it acts the same way as it does in the future, so that what the characters have done simply fulfils the future, in the same way Sayid did when he shot the child version of Ben Linus.

Next theory: The ‘resurrected’ John Locke (revealed to be an imposter in the last 10 minutes of the finale) is a manifestation of the smoke monster.

First, earlier in the season, when Ben is ‘judged’ by the monster, it tells him he is to do exactly what Locke says, whatever he commands. Four things make this suspicious. One, the smoke monster has a demonstrated ability to read people’s minds; it would have known immediately that the Locke accompanying Ben wasn’t the real Locke. Two, the phrasing of its command, along with the threat to hunt Ben down if he disobeys, is calculated to make Ben follow ANY order from Locke, even one that goes against everything Ben was ever taught by Richard and Jacob. Third, and most significantly, the imposter Locke leaves when Ben falls into the chamber of the smoke monster, before the monster comes, and ONLY reappears once the smoke monster is completely gone, both in its smoke form and the Alex manifestation it used to confront Ben. Finally, earlier in that episode, Ben tries to summon the monster in a different way, one that never failed him before, but it did not show up- in my opinion, because it was already manifesting as John Locke, right next to Ben.

Second, during the rest of the season, and specifically during the finale, the imposter Locke demonstrates that he knows things that only the real Locke or Ben Linus would know. First, upon crashing on the island this season, only those two know that Ben killed the real Locke; no one else was ever told this, but the imposter Locke DOES know and remarks upon it immediately upon seeing the unconscious Ben. Also, in the finale, the imposter knows that Ben and Locke first met in the Swan station. The only way he could know these things would be some sort of telepathy, reading either Ben’s mind or the deceased Locke’s mind. (Actually, it must have read Locke’s mind, since it knew where and when he’d appear in the jungle when skipping through time; that’s not something Ben knew about). That ability is something only the smoke monster has been shown to have.

Third, when Frank Lapidis asks Ilana and company, "If Locke's in the box, who's with the Others?" (OK, he doesn't ask that exactly, because the episode is still shielding the viewer from the fact that Locke's really still dead, but that's the thrust of what he says), Ilana answers "Something a lot scarier than what's in the box." (emphasis added)

What all this means is that the man Jacob talks to at the beginning of the finale must also be a manifestation of the smoke monster. Through dialogue it is established that he is subordinate to Jacob, (or under his control in some way, and is thus forbidden to kill him, despite expressing a wish to do so), and that they hold opposite views of humanity. If this is true, it tells us a few more, miscellaneous things.

One, the smoke monster was not created by either the Dharma Initiative or the Others- it predates both of them. This actually was fairly well established already, but it’s even more obvious now, since the above scene was set in the 1800’s.

Two, every other example of a dead person being resurrected on the island is the work of the smoke monster, and the purpose of these manifestations have worked AGAINST what Jacob wanted. Specifically, the recent manifestations of Christian (Jack’s dead father) were the monster’s work, and have had a great impact on the events on and off the island. Of significance, the monster did NOT want Ben to move the island and be forced to leave it; it wanted LOCKE to do those things. This is probably because it had been grooming Ben to kill Jacob for a long time, and wanted him around for that purpose, whereas it wanted Locke off the island, since he’d been handpicked by Jacob. Also, note that the ‘prophecy’ of Locke’s death originates with the monster: Locke first hears that from Richard when he flashes forward in time; Richard, it turns out, heard it from the imposter John Locke (our smoke monster). In summary, Locke WAS special, and the monster really, REALLY wanted him gone.

One final theory, which occurs to me since the above raises the obvious question as to why the monster didn’t kill Locke in the earlier seasons, when it had multiple chances: All the people Jacob touched in the finale are off limits to the monster. Keep in mind as well WHEN he touched each of them, since that’s important to remember. He touched Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Jin, Sun, and Locke BEFORE they came to the island the first time. Hurley, however, is only immune upon returning to the island, since Jacob didn’t touch him until right before he comes back. Everyone else, though, is fair game.

Alright, since this has now gone on way longer than I originally intended, I’ll sign off now. Anyone agree, or have alternative theories? Post yo’ comments!

Chris Has Returned to the Building!

OK, I think I’m ready to pick this up again.

So, let’s start with a bit of big news. I feel I can share this comfortably now, given that the person made an announcement last weekend at a big party. You’ll never guess who’s expecting!
(A pox on all of you who just guessed "Shelly", or any derivative of that name.)

Jen Shylanski, nee Jen Crawford! Yep, as per our conversation last Friday, Jen is now 12 weeks along, entering her second trimester. Congratulations, Jen and Tim, we all know you’ll make great parents!

On a little side note, God gave the two of them an early Baby Shower gift during their party last Saturday, in the form of an overrunning upstairs toilet. No word yet on whether Tim screeched "Check that toilet!" from downstairs, and then, upon confronting said commode, exclaimed "THIS…F’ING…TOILET!!!"

(You guys realize the incident referenced above happened 18 years ago now? I’m getting old…)

In other news, Shelly was elected to the Home Owners Association board this past month. She attended the annual meeting in early April (I would have gone with her, but I had to get a billing issue straightened out at our gym), and the president of the HOA told her he’d nominated her to the board. Apparently, they were impressed by the letter we’d written to our former neighbor, asking her to cease and desist dumping her left-over trash in our yard after pick-up day. It was a bitter pill to swallow, as Shelly merely signed that letter, and had little to do with drafting it or searching the HOA rules for violated by-laws. OK, not really- I’d much rather her get the credit. With her on the Board, I now anticipate big things for the neighborhood, and expect new siding on all units by June!

Since last I wrote, we’ve also had a series of houseguests! First, we hosted the Annual Misty and Lerissa Wine Gulping Festival (AMLWGF), which… well, actually, the name of the event pretty much tells you everything. We had a lot of fun with the girls, although I did slip out Saturday afternoon to help a coworker put up some crown molding. I learned a lot from the experience and hopefully will be able to put the knowledge to use in our own kitchen fairly soon. Anyway, the girls played American Idol karaoke all afternoon while I was gone, then later we played some different Wii games and had a really nice outside dinner. I grilled steak and Shelly took care of the rest of the meal, and Misty and Lerissa seemed to enjoy it fine. It was a great night- temperate and a little breezy and without bugs, with lit tiki torches for ambience. We capped the night off with a game of Crazy Eights, which none of the poor deprived girls had ever played in college.

The next series of houseguests consisted of my parents and grandfather, with Shelly’s mom coming up to visit on Sunday. We took a trip to the Farmers Market in Raleigh on Saturday and bought plants for the garden and the front porch, which we’ve subsequently planted and are doing very well. Mom bought some more Hostas and other varieties, since apparently the deer in Maryland just aren’t quite getting enough to eat. Also, Dad and I made several trips to Lowes, where we picked up some supplies for household projects. Actually, just for the record, the second Lowes trip was necessary because Dad measured something an inch too long, and we had no means of cutting the shelves we were installing! But in the end, we got another couple of shelves installed in the pantry, finally finished touching up the paint in the little bathroom, and put up a series of shelves in the outside storage, which is now reorganized and useable. Quick item of curiosity: The outside shelves are the same ones Brooks, Danielle, and I all had in our rooms as children; good thing Dad never throws anything away!

Just to let you know, I actually made a couple of stabs at writing blogs over the last month, I just never got around to posting them. No reason to let them go to waste, I guess. In fact, here’s one I wrote right after Easter:

"Well, it’s been another fairly slow couple of days for news.
This past Friday, however, we did celebrate Jason’s 31st birthday by going out to Bandidos, following which we came back to our place to hang out for a little bit. Here’s a picture of Jason opening his present from us:
And we can’t let a Hawkins visit go by without the obligatory picture of Charlotte: We led the pack this year, being the first to give her an Easter basket. Shelly, however, made the mistake of buying fancy dyed wood filler for the Easter basket, which got everywhere and necessitated a post-Hawkins run with the vacuum cleaner. Contrary to your expectations, Shelly, despite indirectly causing the mess, passed on the opportunity to clean it up.
For the first time in a long time, we spent a holiday at home, celebrating Easter by getting up and going to church with Erika and Jason. God, noting our return to the Church of the Good Shepherd after a long absence, expressed his displeasure in old school Biblical fashion by having a small swarm of termites greet us at our front door on our return, severely disrupting our afternoon plans. After a quick trip to the local hardware store, I answered this nascent plague with a spray of insecticide, which killed all exposed termites. We had scheduled a visit from Terminex for a free home inspection, but late news is that our HOA has a completely free service (inspection and treatment) which we’ll now be using instead. I’m pretty happy about this turn of events, let me tell you. (The free service, not the fact that I have termites in the first place, just to clarify).
This isn’t to say that all the news has been bad- we did treat our immediate neighbors to an Easter basket as well, which they greatly appreciated. Those are three of the nicest children- as soon as they saw me outside, they rushed over and gave me a big hug, and later, their mom baked Shelly and I a "7-up cake", which has proved exceptionally tasty. A little too tasty, if you know what I mean; last night, Shelly made an emergency request for me to take the remainder to work with me."

Also, I wrote one about Arlen Specter, but that situation’s kind of by the by now, so I won’t post that one. I’ll sum up, though: Craven, unprincipled opportunist and (subsequent developments show), still not guaranteed reelection! It will be so sweet if someone else (who doesn't flee at the first sign of adversity) runs and beats him next year, and I can definitely see it happening!

I did want to take a moment and just point out one aspect of the idiocy of our government’s mentality right now. Just as a little background, I’ve been buying Treasury Bonds the last six months (I-Bonds, to be precise), because they were paying 5.64%, which is much better than any sort of deposit account right now. For any who don’t know, Treasury Bond rates are set by the government every six months, and Bonds are one of the means by which citizens and other countries buy up American debt.

Well, come May 1st, the powers that be decided to drop the I-bond rate to ZERO (the EE-bond rate had been an anemic 1.40%; even that was too much, so they dropped that rate to 0.7%). I can tell you what someone’s thinking: "OK, people will still buy them, but it’ll just be an interest-free loan to ourselves until at least November." What they don’t seem to realize is that very few people are going to just give the US government free money; it honestly makes no sense at all to buy Bonds right now.

So, to recap, we’re doubling our national debt in the next five years, and tripling it in 10, and at the same time, virtually assuring that no one will buy any of our debt for at least the next six months! True, you can still buy I-bonds, and their rate may well go up in November, but until then, you’d do just as well to take the money and put it in your mattress. Maybe there’s some esoteric reason why this all makes perfect sense, but I certainly can’t see what it is.

Moving on. Shelly and I are going to Las Vegas next Saturday, flying out complements of Jen Glass, who provided us Buddy Passes on Southwest (hopefully, there will be two empty seats). We’ll be meeting Jen and Tim and Heather and Milt while we’re there, and the girls have already come up with an agenda (well, Shelly has, anyway). Hopefully I’ll have lots of pictures to show you all when I get back. We’ll be staying at the Sahara, Jen and Tim at Harrahs, and Heather and Milt at Holiday Inn. What can I say, we all want our space! J No, actually, they booked their hotels months ago, and both were full by the time we went to get ours, so we decided on the Sahara.

OK, well, that’s about all for now. Look forward to a new blog from me sometime around the 20th, since we get back on the 19th. Or maybe tomorrow. One never knows.