Sunday Morning Happiness Rehab

I know it's virtually unheard of that I'd post two days in a row. So you know what I have to say must be important, right?
Just a quick review of a movie Shelly and I watched last night, The Pursuit of Happiness. Don't let the name fool you- this movie won't stop until it's wrung every last ounce of happiness out of your very soul.
This isn't to say it's not a very good movie. It is. Just don't watch it if you're in a light-hearted, jovial mood.
Will Smith is incredible as Chris Gardner, a down-on-his luck bone-scanner salesman living in San Francisco (his first mistake). His wife having left him by scene three on the DVD menu, we're treated to the next six months of his life, as he trains for a 1-in-20 position as a stock broker, peddles his bone scanners (losing and recovering them in hilarious ways), looks after his young son, and keeps getting evicted and moving to progressively worse dwellings. At the end of the movie, I was about ready to break the DVD in half if he didn't get the job.
At one point, Shelly and I just started cracking up, when he's trying to fix one of his machines, holds up a part to a light to see it better, and the light burns out. It was like the writers were just going overboard to make the movie as depressing as possible. I could visualize them story-boarding:

"Ok, he has to check in to a homeless shelter, the managers turned off the lights in the rooms, so he has to leave his son so he can work on the machine in the hall. That's pretty bad, but what can we do to make the audience really just want to take a header off a tall building?"
"I've got it! The light in the hall burns out!"
"Beautiful! Go with it!"

Oh, and they've got more!

"Ok, he's sprinting with his crying son, trying to make the bus, just so they can go stand in line at the homeless shelter and maybe get a room. Hmm... what else can we do?"
"I know! His son loses his superman doll! We'll forlornly film it diminishing in the distance as the bus pulls away!"
"I love it!"

So, good movie, very inspiring, but whether what you're inspired to do is appreciate what you have or swallow a bottle of aspirin really depends on your constitution.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Kudos, Acclamations, and Accolades All Around!

Congratulations are in order. For a number of reasons.
First, congratulations to Miss Jennifer Glass, who's blog inspired mine, for passing her orientation exams and becoming a full-fledged member of the Southwest family! For an exhausting synopsis of the last four weeks of her life, visit her blog and read up! Be sure to finalize your will before doing so, because you might be old and in the final ravages of senility by the time you finish.
Also, congrats to Shelly and her 'A' in Trial Practice! Apparently, getting an obviously guilty offender off the hook was worth the highest mark NCCU law professors give! That's right- "obviously guilty". I've been tried once for it and can't be charged again no matter what I do- haven't you ever heard of Double Jeopardy? No? Well, go watch the Ashley Judd movie of the same name; you'll get the idea.
Speaking of NCCU, congratulations to them for making yet another error, which is only worth mentioning because it worked out in our favor. After depositing Shelly's tuition remission on Tuesday, they erroneously deposited it again on Friday. We'll be giving it back, of course (though the rogue in me wonders if those incompetents would even notice or figure it out if they did). Of course, that won't stop us from happily letting the interest accrue in our account until they take it back out again.
Congratulations to me for weathering a week at SECU with only one or two coworkers. Yesterday, Denise and I were the only ones in the office, LaToya and Carola having hopped flights to LA and Chili, respectively. Unfortunately, Monday will see a repeat of those circumstances, so maybe I'm speaking too soon on this one.
And congrats to Big and Igor, our resident Canadian geese, for their new goslings. Shelly and I, taking brief advantage of the gorgeous weather down here, went to the lake today to find that Igor's nesting days are over for another year. Here's a picture of the little guys and their parents:

To recap the week, I mainly went to work, came home, and tried to keep out of Shelly's way as she studied for her final exams. Her 'oral argument' for App Ad went very well, soothing away the concerns she had last weekend. She's used the rest of this week to prepare for her Con Law exam (that would be Constitutional Law, she'll have you know, not a class specializing in freeing Cons. This ain't the Innocence Project or anything) and her DE exam. Decedent Estates, in answer to your next question.

This week, during study breaks, Shelly and I had the dubious privilege of watching two obnoxiously bad movies, V for Vendetta and Rent. So far, Shelly's out scored me on the bad movie choices three to two. Her other was Stick It (by far the worse) and my two were Clan of the Cave Bear and Pulse.

V for Vendetta at least had some action, but the whole premise of the movie was so far-fetched as to be almost laughable. You'll notice the strategic use of the word 'almost' in the last sentence. Basically, fifty to sixty years from now, England will have exiled all Muslims, rounded up all homosexuals for experimentation, and will be executing people at the drop of a hat for speaking out against the government, all in the name of fighting terrorism. It was all incredibly subtle and I had no idea who they could possibly be criticizing, until approximately three minutes into the film. It's kind of like a liberal view of the Apocalypse. So, this is the future of Europe, the same Europe that today has all but outlawed the death penalty, largely supports gay marriage, and would rather become radioactive dust than give offense by suggesting that mosques advocating the destruction of the west might be a problem? Somewhere, there must be a gypsy fortune teller laughing all the way to the bank, and a script writer fifty dollars light. Oh, and let's not forget the pedophile priest character! The movie wouldn't have been complete without that!

We only made it about twenty minutes into Rent when the DVD player mercifully started acting up, giving us an excuse to be uncultured and not finish the movie. For my part, I thought the songs were terrible;whenever the song writer got into a tough spot with a rhyme, he would just have the characters resort to speaking normally. Good grief, anyone can sing a few bars if they don't care if the next line rhymes! Try it now!

(Singing) It's time to vacuum the floor, and dust the apartment,

(Speaking) And take out the trash if I have time.

Wow! I could have been a Rent song writer!

Well, folks, it is time for me to finish my blog, lest the browser randomly quit on me and wipe out two hours worth of work. This happened to Jen Glass, who I mentioned waaaay back at the beginning of this post! I have to imagine she took it better than I would have!

See you later!

Please Put Your Drink Down...

...I'm about to say something shocking.
Ready? Ok.
Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, and her Democrat-lead majority are... reacting in a mature, responsible, reasonable way about something.
After the atrocity at Virginia Tech this past Monday (I would link, but I doubt there's anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about; I myself learned about it from a person I was helping at the Credit Union), I was expecting a rash of feel-good, onerous gun control legislation that would radically restrict gun rights, do nothing to protect anyone, and would have done nothing to stop what happened. Instead, the House is working with the NRA to make sure that the dangerous mentally ill of the world have their records show up in background checks, which would disqualify them from gun purchases. Presto, we have a law that would have actually had an impact (though I have no doubt the nut job would have gotten a gun illegally in that event, but that's another, nearly uncontrollable problem).
Sounds good in theory, but the devil is in the details. The NRA needs to be very careful to make sure that a disqualification stems from a major, on-going issue. It's not fair for say, someone who had depression issues at one time, maybe even suicidal thoughts, and maybe saw a counselor a few times to have their self-defense rights taken from them forever. Many teenagers go through stages like that and go on to become responsible, productive adults. Also, say someone has some kind of breakdown due to a very specific event and needs to be hospitalized for it. The cause of their problem would likely eventually pass, and they should then have a procedure they could follow to clear their record and again be able to buy guns.
I obviously haven't read the legislation yet (on account of no one having written it), but since I'm typically pretty hard on the other side of the aisle, I figured I'd be fair and point out that they're doing something right. I'll be watching closely. In the meantime, say a prayer for all who lost loved ones this past Monday.
On to other news...
Shelly has her tax exam this afternoon, but judging from how she's done on her practice exams, I think she'll do pretty well. I helped her prepare in very small ways last night (mainly assisting her with the math portions; Heaven help those who get my assistance with a math problem!), so at least I can say I've contributed to her grade (I'll disavow all responsibility if she does bad, but that won't happen...no, it just couldn't!).
This morning, I went over to RTP to do the March of Dimes. I thought I'd breeze right in there, snag a parking spot, find my colleagues from SECU and march on. No... not so much. There were thousands of people there, maybe a hundred from SECU (all with our Zard t-shirts on), all from different branches, so I had a tough time finding everyone. On the way in, while I was in the line of traffic, I accepted literature from someone on the side of the road, thinking it had to do with the March of Dimes. It did, although not the way I thought. It was someone handing out anti-March of Dimes propaganda because March of Dimes supports animal testing. Let's see- premature babies < shaved field mice? I won't deny a strong desire to "test" the maximum "psi pressure" my fist could impart on that individual's "cranial structure". Hopefully there'd be some sort of previous animal test paramedics could reference to remove the imprint of my knuckles.
Anyway, once such anti-social urges passed, I allowed myself to be enticed into running the entire three miles. Apparently, my tri-weekly, two-mile treks on the treadmill in a climate-controlled room were insufficient to prepare me for a three mile, hilly course in the blazing sun- I had to stop and walk several times. I was quite proud however that I was the tenth person to cross the finish line. Finding myself with no spare wind to further socialize with my coworkers, most of whom were probably still somewhere around the one mile marker anyway, I collected a bottle of water, drinking half of it and dumping the rest over my head. I then proceeded home, stopping at the feed store to buy grain, doing my part for any premature goslings that might show up this week at the lake.
So, that's it for today so far.
There wasn't a lot going on this past week. Work was insanely busy on Monday, due to A) the tax filing deadline and B) three other local branches losing power that morning. After that things calmed down largely for the rest of the week. Shelly only had class on Tuesday and Thursday, so she used most of her off time to study for this exam. We were treated to a Law School Melissa visit on Wednesday, though it was more of a study session for her and Shelly than anything.
Gosh, I hate to just post such a short entry after not writing all week, but what else is there?
Oh, I know. Word of free advice: If you ever sell something online, and someone sends you a 'certified check or money order' for more than you asked, then asks you to wire them the difference, DON'T DO IT! Their check will go bad and you'll be out whatever you wired them. Also, if you are bidding on something and someone out bids you, then you get an email from the person who purports themselves as the person who won who then offers to sell you the item for what they paid, if you'll send them the money, DON'T DO THAT, EITHER. Chances are really good they had nothing to do with the auction but were watching it, waiting to scam you, the second place finisher. They'll gladly accept your PayPal donation and vanish back into the shadows. Apparently Oprah has done a show on this sort of thing recently, but the reason I bring it up is because we had someone who got scammed out of $3500.00 this week, and, unfortunately, there's nothing we can do to help get the money back.
Wasn't it about time you got some free, financial advice from your good friend Chris, the Credit Union employee?? :)

I Tried!


Believe it or not, I actually tried to post mid-week, but was stymied by a stubborn message of 'service is temporarily unavailable' that refused to be moved by even my most creative profanities.

This week the credit union has been absolutely crazy, the situation made somewhat worse by Carola's week-long absence. Apparently unaware that they could have opened an IRA at any time last year, everyone in the Great State of North Carolina decided that last week was the week to do it. LaToya, Denise and I did everything in our power to keep pace, making for a very draining week. My professional week was capped off by a gentleman who came in to rectify the $2.83 difference between what his online balance said and what he'd written in his checkbook. Forty-five agonizing minutes later, I determined he'd missed writing down a Subway charge three weeks ago, which seemed to satisfy him.

Also, in prompt fashion, I got my check yesterday. It, amazingly, included a raise for me, since I passed my last basic module last month (did I neglect to mention that? 98%, baby!). This stands in stark contrast to my previous employment, where my promised raise took a month and a half to materialize (and let us not discuss the laughable notion that it be back-dated, heaven forfend). So now, not even including such savings as gas and leisure time, I'm making more in hard dollars than I used to. Ahhhh....

Oh, about my aborted, mid-week post? I was going to comment on the Duke Lacrosse dismissal. The State Attorney General, three months after receiving the case from Nifong, dismissed the charges, in his press conference even going so far as to call the three indicted players 'innocent'. Shelly tells me that it's mildly inappropriate for him to do that, as a jury never reached that determination, but given how weak and contradictory the case against them was, I felt it was the least the legal system could do for them. I guess this is as good an outcome as they could expect, although a better one would be all those ranting about the 'privileged white boys' and 'social disaster' at Duke University to apologize, but I wouldn't hold my breath on that one.

Agonizingly, the whole incident is now being used as a stern warning about innocent, cash-strapped criminals not having the resources to defend themselves in court, as the three Duke players did. I just knew that, somewhere, there was a liberal cause to be promoted here! Now if we could just find a way to use the situation to prove global warming...

While I'm in a somewhat political/philosophical mood, let's talk about free speech here for a moment. I bring this up because I recently went to a sci-fi site and read the blog there (and comments under what is now the first entry), which turned the Imus gaffe (Imus being, by and large, a promoter of the Democratic party) into an indictment of Limbaugh and O'Reilly. Aside from such intellectually rich notions that wealthy individuals are either A) obligated to support charities because they are wealthy or B) in Imus' case, he only did it as a 'get out of jail free card', you find the comment that "Trash talk as weapons of attack is not free speech."

Well, while you may not like it, it's actually the epitome of free speech. The First Amendment protects all speech (except that which places other people in immediate danger), but it doesn't need to protect speech which everyone finds agreeable, because such speech will never be endangered. The speech that actually needs protection is speech that people find hateful or offensive. (Which doesn't mean that NBC was wrong to fire him; that's a private, company decision, which, not being the government isn't restricted by the First Amendment. And besides, have you ever listened to the guy? We're richer for having lost him.)

Ok, rant over. I do apologize for bringing up the Imus thing. Lord knows I've heard enough about it this week. (And my apology is genuine, not one of those Don Imus apologies...d'Oh! There I go again!)

So, what else is new?

After weeks of hearing nothing, Shelly and I got our Federal Tax return yesterday, and then, amazingly, our State return came in the mail today! And this after a few days ago, when Shelly looked up the status of our return and found we could expect to wait another two to three weeks!

Since I'm careening crazily from subject to subject (it's late and I can't go to bed yet; the mattress cover is still in the drier), last weekend we hosted Erika, Jason, and Charlotte for Easter Dinner. Here are some pictures of that event:

















Yep, we broke out the good china! Which we'd certainly do for any other friends who actually came to visit! (on a special occasion)
Alright, I think I heard the drier go off, so I have one chore left today. I hope all my MD peeps (tell me I didn't just say that) are faring well in that ginormous storm everyone's been wringing their hands over.
See you soon!

Extra! Extra! Chris DeAdder Acquitted!

Yesterday I was found not guilty of 1st Degree Murder! After a brief, two-hour trial, the jury, sped by the promise of a pizza lunch, deliberated for only five minutes before returning a "Not Guilty" verdict on the sole charge of murder in the first degree! On the off-chance of a "Guilty" verdict, I had gauged the distance to the door, changed into running shoes, and determined that no law enforcement personnel were in the way. Even if there had been, I have no doubt my 6 foot, 200 pound frame would have made short work of them.
The trial was marked by several highlights. My lawyer (no one found the fact that I was married to her as a conflict of interest) absolutely destroyed the prosecution witness on cross examination. At one point, she had the witness, one Beth Kelly, asserting that she had no trouble seeing through a solid wall. Also, badgering the witness, my attorney asked "You were her friend and want to see anyone convicted, just so her death wasn't a tragic accident, isn't that right?" Ms Kelly paused a moment, then answered with a hesitant "Yes..?" The prosecution's other witness, Sgt. Benbrook, my former colleague at the Nita City Police Department, self-proclaimed firearms expert and the head of the city's homicide department, forgot the technical name for the gunpowder test, then testified that I was both 'rushed and edgy' and 'light-hearted and kidding around' the morning of the murder.
Later, during my own testimony, I went up to the witness stand, attempted to swear in, only to find that the bailiff had nodded off. The prosecution's main bone of contention with my testimony was that I'd carried a gun around a woman that I'd known was suicidal; the jury didn't by it, since I was an off-duty cop.
Alright, in case anyone's still scratching their head in confusion, I played the defendant in Shelly's practice trial yesterday. After a week of reading over statements, and learning my character's story, we finally had the trial yesterday. Shelly and classmate Bethany were my defense team. Their side did a really good job of preparing their witnesses, as all three of us (myself, a waitress named Estella, and my 'partner' Sgt. Madden) knew our stories in and out and held up completely under cross. The prosecution's witnesses, as I already mentioned, seemed like they didn't know what they were supposed to say and had their testimonies eviscerated under cross. Shelly thought her professor (the bailiff) was bored with it, but thought her part went well (she gave a very convincing closing argument), and was pleased with the result; I reminded her of how she would feel if she was on the other side (even in my lay opinion, that trial was a disaster for the prosecution; in their closing, one of their biggest selling points was that, if they didn't believe I was guilty, they wouldn't putting me on trial; essentially, "We wouldn't charge him if he didn't do it!")
So, in celebration, Shelly and I...came home and relaxed. I made the discovery that being on trial for murder is taxing, even if it is just pretend.
Later, we did our nightly routine and went to feed the waterfowl. We discovered that one of the female mallards now has six tiny ducklings. Regrettably, I was unable to photograph this momentous development. Why? I didn't have my camera. Not all of us are Jen Glass, toting one around, ready to capture every wacky, entertaining trifle!
For some reason, Igor took exception to the ducklings and attacked them, driving them from their nest and pursuing them across the lake. Finding myself lacking in even the most basic swim apparatus or inclination to enter the frigid water (ducklings are cute, but not meriting my temporary discomfort), I did the only thing I could do and ran over to the honker's nest. This diverted their attention from the ducklings very quickly; it wasn't quite as funny when the same thing happened to them.
Following the Farrington Lake Fiasco, Shelly and I went and got something to eat (meal #1 for the day), then settled in to watch one of the DVRed episodes of the Planet Earth series on The Discovery Channel. They are very interesting; they come on every Sunday at 8pm if you can drag yourself away from The Simpsons. Anyway, we watched that, then the moviefilm Borat. Oh, Dear Lord. I'm afraid I can't recommend it to any but those with the most warped sense of humor imaginable. Since that includes me (as Mom has reassured me countless times in the past), I found the movie hysterical. Apparently Law School Melissa agreed, having seen the movie on spring break. Strange indeed...
Alright, there's much to be done today, so I must go. See you next time! And just remember: If I can get found NOT GUILTY (me!), everyone who does get convicted must be guilty as sin! Renew your flagging support for the death penalty, people!! ;)

And a Southern Visit

My parents came down this weekend, and just left again. I think the million metric tonnes of pollen in the air might have had something to do with their day-early departure.

We had a bake sale at the credit union on Friday. You know, money's tight, and we're scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to make ends meet, what with all those mortgage loans that have gone bad. Well, not really; the bake sale was to benefit the March of Dimes- which you still have time to donate to, via my webpage. I decided to bake chocolate chip cookies for my entry, and after the '60 cookie' recipe left me with 35 at midnight, the night before the sale, I had to throw in a batch of brownies. I ended up selling thirty cookies in two plates for five dollars each, and selling the brownies a dollar each. All my stuff went, and best of all, I did it with minimum help from Shelly! Just don't ever ask me to do it again!

My parents arrived Friday night, and took us out to Chili's for the dinner we have every visit. Everyone fell back on their usual entree'; I guess last outing's experimentation was a fluke.

We all woke up early Saturday morning. My parents went to meet Brenda to look at some new houses in Roxboro, and Shelly and I worked feverishly, trying to prepare everything for Erika's shower. Shelly had found this "Baby Shower Bingo" online which she was going to use for one of the games. Being the intrepid, mischievous soul I am, I made a 'alternate' baby shower bingo card and slipped it in with the others. You can see a production version (I'll explain that shortly) below:

Shelly ended up getting wind of it, and (unbelievably) loved the idea. My prank backfired, as she asked me to come up with ten such cards with the words in ten different orders. I'm sure there's a lesson here for me somewhere. (Other selections, which weren't on this particular card, were "Inane bedtime stories", "Over-priced baby toys", "Baby-sitter Background Check", "Spoiled baby playmates", and "Feuding Maternal Grandparents". Shelly exercised editorial power by making me remove that last from all cards, as both Erika's mother and step-mother were attending the shower.)

I was left alone, to my own devices, most of Saturday afternoon. I used my time to watch the Military Channel's special on The History of Radar, which included Detection, Counteraction, Destruction, and Stealth. For the (very) hypothetical person who's interested, at the current time, the attacker has the advantage, provided the attacker is the US Air Force, the only power who has stealth technology. "And I'm proud to be an American/ Where at least I know I'm free..."

Once the other three wayward members of my family returned, we had a pizza dinner, then watched The Prestige, which was REALLY GOOD! It tries to give you a surprise ending, but the discerning mind can see where it's going before the climax.

In political news this week, Sam Fox's nomination was withdrawn because he gave money to the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and then refused to apologize to Kerry for it. Fine, but if some future Democratic president ever has to make a withdraw because his nominee gave money to AWOLBush or some other baseless smear site, I don't want to hear any whimpering about the silencing of free speech.

My parents wanted to get a nice, early start on their trip home to Maryland this morning, but I talked them into a quick trip to feed the waterfowl. In news this weekend, Igor and Big, our two resident Canadian geese, have started nesting. Igor only leaves the nest briefly twice a day to grab something to eat, which she did this morning when she saw us at the pier (she was given this very feminine name because she has a hurt wing, like her namesake from Fly Away Home). Apparently, my routine feeding of them isn't enough for a VIP pass to the nest, as you can see in these photos:

(You can see Igor on the nest at the base of the far right of the bush).

After being successfully chased away, I helped my parents pack and get on the road for Maryland. Shelly left about the same time to go to school to do some work, and that brings us to the present. So, I think I'll go get cleaned up, do some laundry, and go run some errands. See you later this week!

PS- I really hope my fixing of this post takes care of things. If you spot anything that seems disjointed or doesn't make sense, it's probably because Blogger screwed up. Not only did it cut out my bake sale paragraph, but later on, it selectively edited my post to say "Sam Fox had to withdraw because he gave money to Fly Away Home", leaving out everything in between.

PPS- And after fixing things once, it did it again! I'm about ready to throw things I'm so mad! Let's see if third time's the charm!