Countdown Aborted

Spectacular!
For anyone keeping track, I should be working on the final two days before I depart my former place of employment for good. At the end of the day on Friday, I should go in, take a bow, exit stage right, and drive home in the glorious golden sunshine as I leave Garner for the last time, eager in anticipation of a new career and my parents’ imminent arrival.
Things can certainly change in a day.
It all started when I mentioned to someone at Corporate that Friday was my last day. Immediately she asks if I’m giving an exit interview. I haven’t thought of it, I say, but I might be interested. Later on, I receive in my inbox an exit interview form. Going down the hall to an unoccupied office for privacy, I call the human resources manager, stating I’d rather not fill out a form, but I just have one or two concerns that I’d like to give verbally. I give said concerns. No, go ahead and fill out the form anyway, I hear. Fine, no problem.
Except that my manager gets wind of this and hits the roof, calling me into his office and demanding to know why I’m talking "Behind his back" (as if that’s at all unusual around there, or he doesn’t engage in it with gusto about whoever isn’t in his good graces). This leads to a heated exchange in which I call him out on some of his more egregious BS statements over the last few months, and I’m accused of "breaking a promise, breaking a commitment." Apparently me saying four months ago that I’ll give the company "another chance" is the equivilent of taking an oath on the River Styx. (Sorry, you might need to Google that one). Also, included here for its humorous value alone, is this product of my former manger’s convoluted logic: The more work you’re given, the higher your commitment to the company, because you’re harder to replace (the concept of also being paid more for the additional work somehow isn’t factored into the equation).
Following this, much to my former bosses’ chagrin, I invoke my final two vacation days, thus short-circuiting the countdown just as the "three" ticked over to the "two". Strangely, the topic of me coming back to train my replacement just never came up.
Now, where did I put that exit interview...ah, here it is!