Merry Belated Christmas!

Sorry it's been so long, but it's kind of been a busy month. I'm sure everyone here can understand that!

I'll dive right into things. On Friday, Shelly and I returned from a week-long trip to Maryland, marking the first time we'd actually driven since Thanksgiving of last year. While there, I got to reconnect with most of my family and some of my friends, take in a (totally unbelievable) movie, play more games of Apples to Apples than I can remember, and open Christmas presents in the same living room where I've been opening them for the last 27 years! Yes, yes, there'll be pictures of all this!

After a busy, trying week at the SECU, I came home last Friday in great anticipation of a well-earned vacation. Saturday morning, Shelly and I rose at 8 am and packed our things for the journey north. Having so many presents that I half expected to find a sleigh with accompanying reindeer downstairs, I nonetheless found myself without any helpful elves to pack the car (Shelly was in the midst of a suspiciously lengthy shower). Compounding the problem, the trunk latch of Shelly's Jetta was broken, so in order to fit everything in, I had to crawl in through the back seat and open it that way. Once all this was completed, it was after ten, and once the interminable drive was over, it was almost five pm. The trip was lengthened considerably by Shelly's quarter-hourly pee breaks- there was nary a fast food joint or rest stop that didn't get our firsthand restroom inspection. (In order to forestall the tirade that will ensue when my wife reads this, yes, I'm joking).

Christmas Eve, Danielle came over with her brood (4 children), Brooks showed up with his (3 youngins), and Shelly and I's child-rearing schedule was dealt yet another setback. I believe this puts us somewhere in the 2020's. Anyway, here's a shot or two of that:

The next morning, all a-twitter, the five of us (Shelly and I, Mom, Dad, and Grandpop), all got up and opened our presents! And here's a few pics of that:

(There's always room for Sylvester)

(I hope I'm doing that good at 92, although hopefully I won't follow in Grandpop's footsteps of insisting on a room temperature equivalent to my age)

That was my big present to Shelly.

What's that? "You cheap b*%$&#d! You got her a rubber duck?! I know you like waterfowl, but that's just ridiculous!" Is that what you're thinking? Well, blow up the picture and zero in on the duck, Mr. Attitude! ... That shut you up? I thought so!

Oh, but she did have to give the duck back... I borrowed it from nephew Mathew, and he was not understanding.

The rest of the week really passed in a blur. On Sunday (which happened before Christmas, technically, but cut me a break) Shelly and I went to see National Treasure: Book of Secrets with Jen and Tim, and afterwards went out to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. The movie was pretty good, although even more far-fetched than the original; in the first one, all they did was steal the Declaration of Independence. In this one, they break into the Queen's office in Buckingham Palace, the Oval Office in the White House, the Library of Congress, escape from a siege of the DC police, and benignly kidnap the President. Sorry, but "willing suspension of disbelief" only takes you so far.

On the plus side, we did get to have a nice evening with old friends, but it was all too brief. Hopefully next time we'll get to go up and visit them in their home, since they traveled all the way down to go to the movies with us.

On Christmas Day, we went up to Susan and Brad's house (formerly Dave and Jean's- they swapped, for anyone who doesn't know) and I got to see just how big all my cousin's kids were getting. Zachary's answer to his father's innocuous question about whether he could play "The Snake Charmer" (a beginner's piece of guitar music) kept me in stitches the rest of the week. "OF COURSE NOT!" he replied with baffling vehemence. Later that week, on pizza night on Thursday, he opted to totally ignore the troubling question instead.

So, that was Christmas week, or as much of it as I can remember now, sitting here in front of the computer nearly a week later, and also with a touch of sickness. All those rotten kids infected me with something! ;)

At the other computer, Shelly is putting the finishing touches on her Bar application, a 49-page form that has troubled her all month. The lengths she's had to go through to get everything together for this (driver's records, fingerprint cards, exact dates of employement for every job she's ever had) make me very glad law school isn't in my future.

That reminds me. I have A Modest Proposal for everyone. Hear me out. This stems from Shelly's run-in with government workers this past Friday, when they refused to fingerprint her when she arrived there at 2:33pm, after she arrived at 2:28 and was told she had to go get cash. In addition, they were on a "holiday schedule" and closing early, instead of at their usual time a 4pm, a piece of information posted nowhere online.

We've all been there. You go to the DMV or somewhere, and you forgot some insignificant piece of paper. You're disinterestedly told you have to go get it, and the fact that you waited 45 minutes in line is just too bad. Or some agency screw up and you end up having to pay $15 dollars to fix their mistake. All throughout, you're treated as if you're something they just dug out of their ear.

What's there to do? Complaining to their supervisor will get you nowhere- that's where they learned how to treat the public. Not pay whatever fee they're demanding? That'll just land you in a world of hurt. It's a sad fact of life that you need these people- they don't need you, and you can just drop dead for all they care.

So, here's what I propose. Whenever in your personal or professional life, you learn that the person you're dealing with works in some kind of government services job, immediately treat them about the same way you would your average telemarketer, pedophile, toddler murderer, etc. If it's in a personal setting, summon up your most aghast look and say, "I'm sorry, I don't associate with your kind..." Try sound as if you're choking on your own digust, or alternatively, spit up a little bile. If it's at your job, immediately think up the most inconsequential item they could conceivably need and not have, then refuse to aid them until they get it.

Just to get you started, for me, if I'm opening an account and ask what they do, and the reply is "I work at da Dee-EM-Vee", I'll immediately say "Oh, I forgot to ask- did you bring in a copy of your first grade report card? We need that for all new accounts!"

I think I could be on to something here. Feedback people! Let me know!

OK, guys, it's getting kind of late, and I'm really not feeling the best, so I'm going to let you go. But here's one for the road, from a couple weeks ago when we gave Charlotte her "Baby's First Christmas" snow globe. Too bad it said '2006' where we couldn't see it when we bought it after Christmas last year...

See you all in the New Year!